he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
