I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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