Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
