I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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