Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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