In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
