he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
