i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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