u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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