So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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