I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
