There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
