sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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