so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i want to swaddle you in tequila
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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