Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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