Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
