Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
