oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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