i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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