Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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