There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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