I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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