just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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