yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Randomize
