Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
