how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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