ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
