You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
