laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
