The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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