So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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