i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
