Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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