And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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