Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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