I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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