Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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