hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
