Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I need to calm my uterus...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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