somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
