Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
