At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
