If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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