I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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