the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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