she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
