you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
