your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
