I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
