I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
