i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
