even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
