Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
